A fighter's worst nightmare: Check out this upkick KO from Cage Warriors 67

Since we're on the topic of Cage Warriors yet again on MiddleEasy, let me tell you about the story of when I tried to trick the guys at Cage Warriors to send me to some European country, but I failed horribly.

A few weeks ago Cage Warriors had an event in Denmark and I DMd their Twitter account informing them that someone from within Cage Warriors told me they would fly me down to Denmark in order to cover their upcoming event. This message was relayed within Cage Warriors and eventually one of the execs from the promotion contacted me in order to locate who actually stated I would get a free trip/board for their Cage Warriors 66 card. I eventually came clean and told them I fabricated the entire thing in order to somehow get a free plane ticket to Denmark, and then the guy I was talking with suddenly took a stern tone and firmly said 'Cage Warriors doesn't pay for media, I'm sure MiddleEasy makes enough money that you can afford to fly here on your own free will.'

Egh, guess those guys at Cage Warriors don't have a sense of humor. However they do have some gnarly upkicks, as illustrated by this one that went down at Cage Warriors 67.

Ew, Michael Bisping wants to leave Tim Kennedy in a 'pile of piss and blood'

Beating a person into submission is one thing, but hoping they will urinate in their shorts -- that's just on another demented level that our brains aren't equipped to comprehend it. Michael Bisping recently stated on a FOX Sports interview that he wants to defeat Tim Kennedy to the point in which he transforms into a pile of 'piss and blood' on the floor. Of course if he's just liquid, what happened to his bones? Did Bisping eat them? If so, how did he eat them? There's so many questions that can be spawned from Bisping's statement, perhaps it's better that you read it yourself.

This will be a stoppage for sure, you ain't going to see a decision. I haven't come up here to Quebec for a mixed martial arts contest. I've come up here to beat Tim Kennedy up in the most violent way as I can possibly do. I want to hurt him, I want to leave him on the floor in a pile of piss and blood and he begs the referee to rip me off him and then I never want to hear Tim Kennedy's name mentioned in the same sentence as me ever again.

If we can't find Tim Kennedy's bones in this mess, then Michael Bisping just admitted that he's a cannibal -- and that's rather disgusting.

Jon Jones calls 'homosexuality a sin' and other homophobic remarks on Instagram

First off, these Instagram comments are coming directly from Jon Jones' official Instagram account. We've checked. Take off your Inspector Gadget hats for once. We've done the research. Now, Jon Jones called a guy from Sweden 'fag' multiple times on Instagram and even went so far as to say 'homosexuality is a sin.' Don't believe us? See for yourself, the comments on Instagram are still up there.

Now the real question is how fast do you think UFC PR will be all over this once they read this article? I'm giving it 35 minutes until these comments are deleted, so you better read them while they last. Here's a screenshot of them.

So this is what Michael Bisping told Tim Kennedy at the UFC TUF Finale weigh-ins

It's sort of hard to take Michael Bisping's threats seriously when you're a friggin' Green Beret Army Ranger and have snipped the head off a field rat from 4,000 yards away -- but apparently it's the illusion that matters going into tomorrow's UFC TUF Finale.

Earlier today I suggested the following:

Within a couple hours Dana White and his crew grabbed the audio of the staredown.

Which proves someone that we already knew, everyone in the UFC headquarters is a MiddleEasy fan. Enjoy.

Jeff Monson has quietly retired from MMA in Russia

This Jeff Monson, a verifiable international man of mystery. It's safe to say The Snowman has renounced being American after he stated anarchy was the country's only solution. Now all that's left of Monson is the newly developed Russian variation of his former self, one that continues to criticize the fallacies of America's economy. I can't be the only one that embraces this version of The Snowman. He may not be exactly what Nietzsche refereed to as the Übermensch -- but then again who really cares what German existentialists have to say about society. Those dudes can't even decide on whether reality even exists in the first place.

We can't lie and tell you that we knew Jeff Monson quietly retired from MMA in Russia after picking up his sixth consecutive win. Damn, well it was fun Monson. Thanks for all the communist propaganda and socialist enlightenment throughout the years.

Here's that brief Poirier vs. Corassani altercation from the UFC TUF Finale weigh-ins

I'm slowly straying away from MMA and instead, encouraging individuals to talk it out instead. Whatever can be solved inside of a cage can be diplomatically resolved with an engaging conversation. There's no real reason for Michael Bisping and Tim Kennedy to fight. Their jingoistic differences can be settled over tea and both can amicably agree on a winner and a loser. Human compassion at work right there, folks. It's what the world needs, but more importantly it's what UFC needs.

Stop the fighting and let's open up a healthy dialogue. All of this nonsense between Poirier and Corassani at the UFC TUF Finale weigh-ins wouldn't have happened if they just left the aggression in the gym. Check it out.

Don't forget to watch the UFC Bisping vs. Kennedy weigh-ins LIVE right here at 4 pm EST / 1 pm PST

The UFC calls it the TUF Finale: Canada vs. Australia weigh-ins, but let's face it, who actually watched any episode of that version of TUF? While I did watch TUF Smashes: Australia vs. UK, I simply couldn't find anything redeeming about seeing Canada vs. Australia go head to head. Perhaps if you're Canadian or Australian then you would find some value in it, but it was a complete bust to me. Someone tell me if I'm missing out, seriously. Otherwise I will assume that I made the right decision and then go about my day completely justified in my actions.

We all want to see Michael Bisping vs. Tim Kennedy take of their shirts to show their dehydrated and naked bodies while they pose in front an international audience. Be sure to come back to MiddleEasy at 4 pm EST / 1 pm PST to watch the entire thing right here on MiddleEasy.

Cris Cyborg finally opens up about her muay-thai loss

As I was writing this article, ‏@MarloesCoenen tweeted this photo of a six-year-old boy from India that is worshiped like a God because he has a tail of hair growing from his back. Damn, if that's all it takes to be a deity in India wait until they see my ability to fart under my armpit using my hand while simultaneously beatboxing Wu-Tang Clan's 'Bring da Ruckus.' I'll probably have fourteen cats sacrificed in my honor because of that.

Still, regardless of my celestial and religious status in India, Cris Cyborg could still shove her fist into my face and there would be absolutely nothing I could do about it. Sure she lost her most recent combat sports bout in muay-thai against Amsterdam's Jorina Baars at Lion Fight 14. However, it was her third muay-thai match and she went up against a multi-national champion that's been in more muay-thai fights than Cyborg has participated in her entire combat sports career.

Cris Cyborg recently opened up about her loss on Inside MMA, and we really think you should watch it to enlighten your life.

Dana White says Jon Jones is the greatest UFC light heavyweight, sorry Chuck Liddell

We should hold a candlelight vigilance to remember all of the brain cells you senselessly murdered this past weekend. Now some woodworker will spend the rest of his month making miniature wooden caskets for those dead brain cells. They will never come back, like Godric from True Blood. Those brain cells were your starters, now you'll just have to rely on the brain cells that have been sitting on the bench for years. For your sake, I hope one of those benched brain cells will be the equivalent of Jeremy Lin. If not, you will be poop out of luck -- like shamrocks growing from elephant dung.

In the absence of a weekend leaves the unfortunate work week -- which means you will read a lot of 'Dana White says...' articles from a variety of MMA sites. We make fun of those guys all the time on social media, but this Monday we are those guys. Dammit, we failed ourselves. Whatever, I could still beat anyone reading this in Magic the Gathering, so in the end I still win.

Dana White is probably Jon Jones' biggest fan, and it showed in a recent Sexto Round interview in which he proclaims Jon Jones has surpassed Chuck Liddell and Tito Ortiz.

Blast to the Past: Remember when a 20-year-old Wanderlei Silva fought bareknuckle in Brazil? We do

Look at that mug, tangible evidence of your visceral fear that one day you will be on the opposite end of a cage with a Brazilian that is known world-wide as 'The Axe Murderer.' The damage he inflicts on human beings is so thorough and violent, that the only description one could attain is to compare the damage to that of a killer wielding a heavy, sharp blade. He will extract blood from your torso, regardless if you've given him permission and fortunately for all of us normal humans out there, we won't have to worry about him knocking on our door and demanding our soul. We don't fight, therefore we don't even register in Wanderlei's plane of existence.

Turn your mental time machine back to September 5th 1997, when a 20-year-old Wanderlei Silva fought in 'IVC 2 - A Question of Pride' -- without any gloves. It's another MiddleEasy Blast to the Past feature, and we hope you enjoy.

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