I like my appendages like I like my milk, whole. There's no reason why anyone should experience that brief moment when the pressure surrounding a limb is so great that you can feel your entire body constrict, bracing itself for a shot of insurmountable pain. Just tap. There's no pride to be had anymore. Pride's dead, Frank Mir killed it at UFC 119. To make your life slightly more cringe-worthy, we've compiled a list of The Top Ten Bone Breaks in MMA. Before you go on with the list, just note that some of these videos, animations and images seen below are very graphic. You've been warned, sicko.
It seems inevitable that someone will refuse to tap to a man who collects the arms and legs of his fallen opponents as trophies. When will people learn that the Tobikan Judan gets an immense amount of satisfaction out of hearing the pops of your tendons. There aren't many people in this world that can say they know what it feels like to almost tear off someone's arm. If there was a college level course on literally pulling someone apart with your bare hands, Shinya Aoki would be the professor. Here's what he said shortly after his extraordinary victory at Dynamite!! 2009.
"When I had his arm behind his back, I could feel it popping,” Aoki said. “I thought, ‘Well, this guy’s pride just won’t let him tap, will it?’ So without hesitation, I broke it. I heard it break, and I thought, ‘Ah, there, I just broke it.’ I was stopped afterward, but even if I hadn’t been, continuing to break it more would have been fine by me"
Love him or hate him, I think we all wish Bloodstain Lane was making his videos five years ago so we could have experienced his reaction to Shogun Rua's horrific arm break at Pride 31. Hearing Bloodstain's commentary on the Chute Box/Hammerhouse feud would have been epic, and we probably would have seen him spar Phil Baroni long before Nate Marquardt. My god this butterfly effect. Check out the referee's vantage point of the horribleness.
And the above video is nothing without this partner in crime. Check out what happened backstage following the horrific appendage snap.
This fight reminds me of those crash videos they make you watch in defensive driving class which consisted of random people driving in a car on the verge of a head-on collision. Their first instinct is to brace for impact by extending the arms and/or legs out in front of them. Bad instinct, very bad. If that theoretical accident happened, the result would be somewhat similar to this unknown guy in this YouTube clip. An arm is no match for 3500 lbs of force pushing you into an immovable object. In the battle of arm versus octagon, the arm loses and does so in rather cringe worthy fashion.
No one else on this list but Mega Megu had their opponent crawl away from them after having their limb snapped. It's almost like Serin thought Fujii wasn't done and, for cautionary measures, tried to get out of her vicinity. Megumi Fujii had the greatest win streak in MMA history at 22-0 and only one of those wins came by strikes, eighteen came via submission. USA Today's Sergio Non caught up with Mega Megu and Josh Barnett to talk about her first TKO victory.
Fujii: I was glad to get the TKO win, but I still like winning by submission better.
Fujii: I think it's less damaging to submit somebody.
Barnett: However, I'll add my two cents. The way I've trained her, she goes until the ref stops her on submissions, so I don't know how realistic that is. She's already broken one person's ankle
Obviously it's up to the opponent to tap out. Maybe that's the whole aspect of it, I don't know. I think it's just image.
In a perfect world, Josh Barnett and Mega Megu would star in a series of Kung-Fu movies directed by the RZA. Fujii would ride on Barnett's shoulders as they walked the countryside, searching for justice, honor and sick beats.
Every day before I get out of bed I lay on my back and hope my kneecap doesn't implode on me. I can't think of many things worse than awkwardly crumpling to the ground like one of those collapsible tubes that children play in. Back in May, as Alexander Schlemenko was making his spinning backfisted run through the season two Bellator middleweight tournament, Alexander encountered Jared Hess in the semi-finals.The two met on a warm Thursday night that ended in Jared Hess looking like a broken GI Joe. Props to Hess for continuing to fight and even trying to use his floppy leg in guard.
After watching this video of John Gettle's arm snapping off, all I can think of is a spear of asparagus snapping and exposing the more tissuey edible parts. Roasted asparagus is no longer all that appetizing to me if it's going to remind me of the pain caused by muscle, tendons and bones splitting in half every time I see it. I might not even be able to walk through the produce aisle ever again.
I think M. Night Shyamalan had something to do with this sickening clip that adds a little extra twist at the end. After the fighter shatters his leg on his opponent's shin (there is a 'Got Milk' joke in there somewhere), he puts all of his weight back onto his broken limb and then crumbles to a saddened heap. If the toes on your right foot can touch your right calf, something has gone horribly. Horribly wrong. M. Night Shyamalan, I don't know whats more pathetic, the fact that I spelled his name right on my first try without looking, the fact that I can't prove that I didn't look -- or the fact he is still making movies. The Happening? Come on M. Night...
Remember Slap Bracelets from the late 80s and early 90s? Well if you don't (and you should), they were flexible stainless steel bands that had rad neon-colored designs of triangles and leopard print. Straightened, they served no aesthetic purpose, but when slapped they could be "snapped" around your wrist or ankle -- or whatever your sick mind desired. At first, they were a quasi-fad for grade schoolers everywhere, but then future engineers in classrooms everywhere created a neon arms race. Catapults and other makeshift destructive devices were created out of the metal straps of joy. After a few years, due to outraged parents and their welted children, the metal Slap Bracelet was replaced with the infinitely inferior plastic version which had a tenth of the previous models' functionality. The Snap Bracelet was never the same again, our friend gives his best effort to recreate the Slap Bracelet effect on a checked leg -- and succeeds.
Everytime I see Corey Hill, I immediately having flashbacks of the live broadcast of Fight for the Troops. This break was so horrible, the UFC didn't air it on the pacific time zone. I was just too gruesome for TV. During the fight, Dale Hartt checked Corey's leg kick and his shin became what looked like a piece of rubber flapping in the wind. Legs just are not supposed to look like lethargic rubber chickens. The break kept Corey out of MMA for a full thirteen months and the image of it was so disturbing. I'm pretty sure we all suffered a form of mild PTSD for a few weeks. I probably could have even used some therapeutic military style debriefing counseling to help me return to watching MMA again. I couldn't even re-watch the video to write this in fear that it might induce night terrors and panic attacks. It's just that horrific.
You might question why this one grabs the number one spot on our Top Ten Bone Breaks in MMA. Just watch the video and take note that not only did looking at Tomomi's appendage make you scream out four-letter words while running around the living room, flailing your arms around in utter terror, but there was an additional extreme circumstance at work. Tomomi had to endure her nerve endings sending warning signals to her pain receptors for a full four-hour long ride to the nearest doctor! This is when 'OMFG' is the only appropriate response. As a matter of fact, you can see that Rosi's coach won't even let her look at Tomomi writhing in pain. The commentators also mention that the spectators were getting sick from looking at the injury. When a mangled appendage starts an all out vomit-fest with the spectators, you know it's the winner.