When Chael Sonnen signs books, paragraphs run just to see him. The motion of the ink in his pen makes coastal tides rise. Chael Sonnen never really finishes his signature, the ink just knows when it's not needed. If you think any of those one-liners are funny, then you need to get a far more realistic grasp of comedy. Those things were horrible. I came up with them while watching that new 'Planet Hulk' cartoon movie. I thought it would be related to Afrika Bambaataa's legendary 'Planet Rock' video, but unfortunately it's not. The Hulk somehow becomes a gladiator on a planet and just liquifies his competition through absolutely brutal beatings. That's essentially the entire film -- the Hulk just destroying things. It's undoubtedly better than the Hulk creating things. Good luck waiting for that dude to make the cover of a 'Better Homes and Gardens' magazine. If you never want to encounter the Hulk, just spend the rest of your life in an arts and crafts store.
I'm not sure how you guys are going to get your minds off Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes splitting up, but we think this video of Chael Sonnen signing his new book at the Las Vegas Fight Shop may help.