Never leave your birthday party unattended or Steven Seagal may pop out of a very large cake, topless. I think I've confused my Under Siege imagery, but I still can't help but think that Seagal was the guy who taught Bruce LeeRoy to catch bullets with his teeth in 'The Last Dragon.' In fact, 'The Glow' is just a radioactive after-effect of drinking Seagal's energy drink. In the land of 7th degree Aikido masters, we are all mere peons operating in their world -- even if your name is Anderson Silva.

We're just two days away from Anderson Silva using one of his infamous teep kicks, laser guided by Steven Seagal, and I already believe that every possible joke that can be assembled about the unlikely pair has already been written. I prefer the 'just interviewed a velociraptor and he told me that he taught Anderson Silva that kick seventy-five million years ago.' The Seagal kick quickly found its way through popular culture and now resides in the unsavory territory of the 'I'm Rick James Bitch' meme. Remember, if you uttered that phrase at any time before August 6, 2004, then you contributed to the death of the original 'Superfreak.' Let's not let that happen to Anderson Silva -- or Steven Seagal.

The story can be summarized as such: Boy meets girl, boy has unprotected sex with girl, girl makes one of the baddest [expletives] to ever high-kick out of a woman's womb, baby grows up to star in a variety of early 90s action movies, movie star makes an energy drink comprised of Golgi berry that taste surprisingly good, movie star allegedly teaches the greatest of all time a kick he invented, greatest of all time knows the kick but plays into the lesson, greatest of all time pulls off the kick to knock out his opponent and the movie star takes credit for it, greatest of all time gets harassed by Chael Sonnen -- and finally Steven Seagal completely has Anderson Silva's back in this MMA Heat interview where he calls Sonnen's actions 'an embarrassment to the human race.'

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+8 # Jonesy 2012-07-05 17:34

Ridiculousness of Seagal calling Chael an embarassment while he makes claims about training the hell out of Anderson Silva aside - I was going to watch the video anyway until I saw Karyn Bryant then was like, "Oh fuck this!"

Also, I used the edit button twice everyone. It exists.

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-1 # Guest 2012-07-05 17:42

steven seagals life is an embaressment the human race

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+5 # Guest 2012-07-06 01:29

Yea, didn't he keep two sex slaves for a long time ?

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+1 # Sambro 2012-07-06 13:29

That's the only thing I respect about him!


...and his Count Chochula hair.

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0 # Guest 2012-08-29 02:26

http://i.imgur.com/trWYG.png

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+15 # Paul Harris 2012-07-05 17:43

Hey, if seagal says chael is an embarrassment, we should believe him. He's got the eye for that sort of thing, he would know.

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+3 # TheFuckingBest 2012-07-05 17:45

please find and post a video of this feijao slapping/traini ng

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+8 # Guest 2012-07-05 18:07

There you go bro:
[youtube]http:/ /www.youtube.co m/watch?v=_zVhP oP5WiY[/youtube ]

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+9 # Guest 2012-07-05 18:40

Man, when is Steven gonna deliver that baby? Seems like it's been forever since he got pregnant.

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+7 # Guest 2012-07-05 18:57

I heard he's not pregnant... He's just full of shit!

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0 # Guest 2012-08-29 02:14

[youtube]http:/ /www.coolstoryb ro.co/image/386 -cool-story-jes us-cool-story-b ro-image.jpg[/y outube]

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0 # Guest 2012-08-29 02:15

[google][wiki]Quote:

http://www.coolstorybro.co/image/386-cool-story-jesus-cool-story-bro-image.jpg

[/wiki][/google ]

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0 # Guest 2012-08-29 02:16

http://www.coolstorybro.co/image/386-cool-story-jesus-cool-story-bro-image.jpg

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0 # Guest 2012-08-29 02:17

http://www.coolstorybro.co/image/386-cool-story-jesus-cool-story-bro-image.jpg

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0 # Guest 2012-08-29 02:22

http://www.google.ca/imgres?hl=en&safe=off&client=firefox-a&hs=ihL&sa=X&rls=org.mozilla:en-US:official&biw=1920&bih=930&tbm=isch&prmd=imvns&tbnid=ujgYGwv1d33fqM:&imgrefurl=http://www.coolstorybro.co/386-cool-story-jesus-cool-story-bro-image/&imgurl=http://www.coolstorybro.co/image/386-cool-story-jesus-cool-story-bro-image.jpg&w=476&h=570&ei=6-g9UN6tCsSUiQLMloGACw&zoom=1&iact=hc&vpx=1254&vpy=124&dur=4988&hovh=246&hovw=205&tx=108&ty=181&sig=109775279984426520494&page=1&tbnh=135&tbnw=113&start=0&ndsp=55&ved=1t:429,r:7,s:0,i:94

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+19 # KingGhidorah 2012-07-05 18:16

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+2 # Guest 2012-07-06 05:28

This^ I love.

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+8 # TIMinBALTIMORE 2012-07-05 18:26

I wish Steven Seagal arrested Chael Sonnen for mortgage fraud on an episode of Lawman.

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+7 # Guest 2012-07-05 19:33

and then sonnen lays on top on him for 23 mins

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+5 # Guest 2012-07-05 19:52

He's so disgusted with his lies that he's actually sick in his own mouth at 1:04

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-2 # Guest 2012-07-05 20:31

Sonnen vs Seagal celebrity boxing match after Silva likely retires Chael om the 7th

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+4 # Guest 2012-07-05 21:00

Karen, stop feeding this troll.

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+7 # Guest 2012-07-06 01:18

Your children!!!! What else are you responsible for? Disovering Higgs Boson particle!!

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+2 # Guest 2012-07-06 02:35

ooh... two american heros lash out at each other, each more useless than the other. who do you follow?

this is seagal's best work since under seige.

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+2 # Guest 2012-07-06 03:29

Buenos Aires? Argentina? lol)))))

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+1 # Guest 2012-07-06 05:33

Seagal - "If they can get it in on me they will" ... no harm to Seagal and his Aikido abilities but these men are professional fighters ... imagine if any of them landed one punch let alone a combination. He's a bluffer ... he has no business speaking with such authority and superiority. He's deluded.

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+1 # Guest 2012-07-06 10:44

if he got punched gravy would spill out of his plump ass

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+1 # Sambro 2012-07-06 13:52

I still think Judo Gene made him shit his pants.

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0 # Guest 2012-07-08 19:10

I don't listen to anything that worthless bloated bastard says, what a douche

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