Three out of four of the most watched MMA events in history belong to Kimbo Slice. That massive beard is hiding an ATM that he will be withdrawing from for the rest of his career. There's nothing like watching a guy that shaves only one side of his chest in order to have a clean surface for his gold teeth to reflect off of. Dude is going nowhere like Paris Hilton's rap career. Therefore everyone at MiddleEasy suggests that prior to Jordan McDonald making her professional debut in MMA, she should contact the top geneticists in the world and discover a method to grow a thick, burly beard. It's also important that McDonald replace her perfect teeth with nicely constructed golden grill. Of course, we can't forget the chest hair. That's like the special sauce on a Big Mac. The moment Jordan McDonald grows enough body hair to shave one side of her torso, then the television industry can expect to shatter every record Kimbo Slice achieved back in 2008.
For those unfamiliar with Jordan McDonald, don't worry. You can begin your stalking on her Twitter page where she posts pictures of her half-eaten avocados. There's no sexual innuendo in that. She just has an unexplained obsession with avocados. LayzieTheSavage caught up with Jordan McDonald at Robert Drysdale's gym in Las Vegas last weekend and made this nifty video so that people can post lewd statements in the comment section of this article. Look at that, I got all you guys figured out.