Sometimes when I want to waste an incredible amount of time on innocuous stuff, I spend nights wondering if Steven Seagal is familiar with the acoustic styling of Lil' Debbie and Riff Raff. Granted, he probably taught them the inner-science of rocking gold teeth while wearing an ironic and colorful shirt. Ah, this Steven Seagal. He truly is the king of everything -- and that's one monarchy I can believe in. Everything is at his grasp, and if it's not, it's because he told it to stay out of his reach. Hopefully one day Steven Seagal will teach my AC unit inside my place how to work properly because it's ridiculously hot in Los Angeles right now. Chilling completely naked in a church doesn't seem that far fetched anymore.
See that gun in the banner picture? It's pointed directly at your concept of logic, and Steven Seagal is ready to assassinate it in the following video. When you're Master Steven Seagal, you fly to Moscow to teach Russian sambo classes -- and you look like an absolute baller while doing so.